I was watching Boston Legal the other night which happens to be one of my favorite TV series. One of the reasons why it’s so dear to me is the fact that it deals with a lot of controversial and/or contemporary issues and, even though sometimes it is clear which side is favored, most of the times both sides are heard. The particular episode that intrigued me was dealing with the issue of abortion from a different, yet not entirely new, angle. It discussed the rights of the man, the father.
The right of a woman to her body, the right to determine her life and thus the choice to have a baby or not is kind of a given for me. I never hesitated faced with that question: I am pro choice. But when it comes to the man is there a choice? It takes two to have a baby. Why does it take one not to have it?
Why is it that we only talk about a father’s participation and contribution, in fact we demand it, only after we decide that we want the baby? Isn’t this a little, excuse me, a lot selfish?
If you think about it though, you can’t force someone to carry a baby. A pregnancy is no small deal your body is changing and your lifestyle has to change with it! Its strenuous, its long, its committing. I guess that’s where the difference lies. But then again, they get no say whatsoever?
We could at least establish that they have a right to know. It is unfair to decide beforehand that he’d rather not know and use that as an excuse for not telling him. It is selfish to assume that you are doing him a favor by keeping him out of it. Not only is it bad for him and possibly for you but is also perpetuating a disturbing notion that fathers are only there either because they were forced to by court with child support orders or because a woman was cunning enough to force them into marrying her. What is this? Fatherhood might not be the dream we implant into little boys heads nor do we expect them to play with baby dolls and take care of them at the age of five, but for all I know having children is an understandably scary and difficult yet fulfilling experience for them as well. To tell you the truth I believe it’s today’s women that have done a lot to alienate men from the idea of having children. We want that many children, we believe it is only our right to chose when and how we will have those children etc, we only want men to just acknowledge the fact that they are responsible for the creation of a child and pay for it. We cultivate the image of the man that doesn’t care and doesn’t want to take part in the upbringing. Keeping men out of the decision making process for an abortion is one of the ways we have achieved that. By saying “It’s none of your business” we make it none of their business.
I believe men should have the right to chose if they want to become fathers but a woman’s right to her body is of greater importance. As a result I am defending a man’s right to know and hopefully somehow contribute to the decision because it is his life too, it is his child too and because fatherhood is a right not a death sentence.
Man I sound melodramatic sometimes. :)
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